Without a Crystal Ball

Our Journey through Chronic Illness & Autism

And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled – Romans 15:4

I sat at his bedside watching the beeping machines, and my knees were weak and shaking. Tears rushed down my face, and I rubbed them away as my cheeks became raw. Quietly I was praying, I was begging and pleading to God that he will save my son. There were no answers from the doctors, and we were beginning to feel helpless. Quickly I ran to my laptop, and I entered a message to friends and family that I needed their prayers. I begged anyone that read the message that we needed God to hear us. We needed God to answer these prayers. I walked back to his bedside, and in my head I was praying, “Tell us what is has happened to my sweet child, allow him to breathe again, and give us the strength to get through this terrible nightmare.” I plead to God to give him more time to grow. My baby was only 3 months old, and he’s on full life support. He was on the edge of life and death, and the doctors had told us they didn’t think he will make it through the night.
As the night turned to day, my son started turning a corner. There was no reason he should have gotten better at this point. The doctors had already told us he should have died. Yet, there I witnessed my little warrior fight to breathe, and I watched his saturations and vitals hang on. As we entered the morning, he made it through the night. Over the course of 2 weeks, he rebounded from an impossible illness. He was diagnosed with a life limiting disease that could kill him at any time. Yet, I know that God heard me, and he was faithful. I know he saved my son for a reason.

Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well – James 5:15

As the days turned in to months, and then the months turned in to years, I continue to remain faithful to my Lord and Savior. While my son was healed that cold morning, he continues to fight daily to stay healthy and develop. There are moments that it would be easy to feel weak. For instance, when we go to the doctor, it would be easy to be swallowed in sadness each time another diagnosis is handed to my son. Yet, I remain faithful that he saved my son that morning because his story was not complete. I now remain hopeful that my son remains here to inspire and provide hope to others battling illness. In the years my son has been alive, he has touched more people than I have in my lifetime. He has a purpose, and I know God will keep him here as long as he is needed.

Doctors consistently tell me that I’m such a powerful advocate and positive voice for my son. I feel that strength and power is derived directly from my love for God. There is no doubt in my heart, that whatever is thrown at us we will be able to manage the adversity. There is no reason to be engulfed in sadness when you can take the challenge and make it positive. Each and every day we pray for my son. He’s now been diagnosed with multiple life threatening diseases, and despite all of this he still is developing and thriving. The doctors told us he may not talk, and he would likely be intellectually impaired. At almost 4 years old, my son is at the cognitive level of a 5 year old and talking up a storm. While I value what the doctors do to prepare us, I have learned on this journey of mothering a child with a life limiting disease is that the only one in control is God. He will decide the when and the why of my son’s life. There is not a doctor, therapist, nurse or teacher that can dictate to us what will happen in his development. Our son
is God’s masterpiece, and each and every day we have hope that God will strengthen him and empower our son to succeed.

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. James 5:16

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One thought on “I Choose Hope

  1. Joanne says:

    Thank you Katie, I love you

    Liked by 1 person

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